This is something I wrote a while ago on a different blog....
How do so many people survive with their burdens of guilt and pain? Who hurt someone they loved, who can never forgive themselves for _____, who feel that they are the reason for their pain? How do they live? Is it even living? To know that it was your fault someone died, or even to think it was your fault. The man who thought he was ok to drive, he'd only had one drink, and thenWHAM. The world changes. The family members may hate him for the rest of their lives. He may hate himself, never trust himself, cut off his attachment with anyone he may hurt until....he's completely alone in the world. And why live?I don't understand how someone in so much pain and agony and inner turmoil manages to live from day to day. I'm not saying they should all die, I'm simply marveling at the part of the human psyche that survives no matter what. Even if they lose their legs. Even if they lose their loved ones.Even if their country takes everything away from them and tortures them, like Hitler and Stalin did to millions. How did they keep living, through all that hell? How did they keep living when they had to return to the world that continued to function without them?How can all of us carry around our baggage of hurt and sadness and anger, pain, self-loathing, the things we can never tell anyone, the things we can't even put into words, though the phantoms of thought hover over all we do....how can we still live and breathe and even create the beauty that is life at its best?We pour ourselves into work, or sports, or a bottle, trying to find the thing that will keep us alive, keep us going, let us survive one more day. Anything to distract us from those memories, those thoughts, those vultures circling above our heads, waiting for us to give in.Maybe simply by trying, we are alive.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Kitten
I have wanted a new kitty since I "lost" Edward. Going to my family's house and having Tigger there was definitely good, but I want a kitten of my own, to play with and raise and have there for me when I get home from work. So in a couple of weeks (after the next paycheck comes in and the money I've been saving up is enough to put down the desposit plus get the needed supplies and vet care) I will be going to the shelter to see if I fall in love with one. Knowing me, I will want to bring them all home. But I hope one stands out like Edward did, crawling into my hands and heart. I need a ball of purring fur to curl up with again.
Friday, November 7, 2008
I know I've been MIA for a while, but things are going well.
I'm working full time, which is good and bad. I like my job but never realized how many stupid and/or snobbish people there are in the world. There are inconsiderate jerks as well as people who think that I have no education because I work at a pharmacy. Please don't believe that! There are different levels of education back there and obviously the techs don't know as much as the pharmacists, but I bet you I know more about drugs and what they do and how to take them and have dealt with more insurance than you. We work very hard back there to keep things running, to get your perscriptions filled correctly and quickly. We make very few mistakes, partly because of all the checks and double checks that your perscription go through. We aren't the Mcdonalds drive through, getting your order of burgers and fries! Sometimes we don't have enough of the drug that you need, just like things run out at the grocery store. Sometimes we have to call the doctor for refills or because we simply couldn't read their handwriting. In those cases it's because we are doing our best to get a good product to you! Respect the people who are serving you.
Sorry, that was a sideline. I'm almost finished with the two classes I took this fall, planning on taking a Certified Nurses Assistant class this spring, and starting college full time again soon. Sometimes I wish I was back in Russia, where I was a year ago, because there are so many things I miss. Hoping to be back in Europe at some point in the near future, but right now finishing school is kind of more important.
I'm trying to get back in touch with people, so many things have happened in the past year and I'm all out of the loop. So if you still read this, tell me whats going on with you!
I'm working full time, which is good and bad. I like my job but never realized how many stupid and/or snobbish people there are in the world. There are inconsiderate jerks as well as people who think that I have no education because I work at a pharmacy. Please don't believe that! There are different levels of education back there and obviously the techs don't know as much as the pharmacists, but I bet you I know more about drugs and what they do and how to take them and have dealt with more insurance than you. We work very hard back there to keep things running, to get your perscriptions filled correctly and quickly. We make very few mistakes, partly because of all the checks and double checks that your perscription go through. We aren't the Mcdonalds drive through, getting your order of burgers and fries! Sometimes we don't have enough of the drug that you need, just like things run out at the grocery store. Sometimes we have to call the doctor for refills or because we simply couldn't read their handwriting. In those cases it's because we are doing our best to get a good product to you! Respect the people who are serving you.
Sorry, that was a sideline. I'm almost finished with the two classes I took this fall, planning on taking a Certified Nurses Assistant class this spring, and starting college full time again soon. Sometimes I wish I was back in Russia, where I was a year ago, because there are so many things I miss. Hoping to be back in Europe at some point in the near future, but right now finishing school is kind of more important.
I'm trying to get back in touch with people, so many things have happened in the past year and I'm all out of the loop. So if you still read this, tell me whats going on with you!
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